The M&A Advisor Translation Guide: What They Really Mean When They Say...
Let's have some fun poking at the M&A industry – including ourselves
Time for some honest self-reflection in the M&A world. I'm going to take a closer look at how we all market ourselves and some of the claims we make. In the interests of being an equal opportunity offender, I'll include Deal Leaders in this roasting – because we say some of the things I'm about to poke fun at.
But if you'll give me some latitude, I'd like to point out how we're different from the rest of the pack.
Here's your decoder for M&A advisor speak:
The Hall of Fame Marketing Classics
"We have relationships with thousands of qualified buyers"
Translation: We purchased a database from some sketchy lead generation company and plan to spam everyone on it.
Qualified buyers? That's like saying you have thousands of close friends because you follow them on LinkedIn. (Spoiler alert: You don't.)
"Our proprietary valuation methodology"
Translation: We Googled "industry multiples" and added 10% because we're "optimistic."
But here's the thing: truly proprietary means you've invested years developing something unique. Most advisors' "proprietary methodology" is about as exclusive as a McDonald's Happy Meal toy.
"We maintain strict confidentiality throughout the process"
Translation: We'll accidentally CC your biggest competitor on at least one email, guaranteed.
I know of an advisor who sent a client's financial information to the wrong buyer. Twice. In the same week. That's not confidentiality; that's performance art.
"Our sophisticated marketing process"
Translation: We list your business on the same public websites where your cleaning lady could stumble across it while browsing for investment opportunities.
Sophisticated marketing is like a perfectly choreographed dance – timing, precision, and knowing who's watching. Blasting details everywhere is more like a flash mob gone wrong.
The "International Network" Comedy Hour
"Our international network spans six continents"
Translation: Dave from our London office once had a Zoom call with someone in Singapore who didn't hang up immediately.
Let me paint you a picture here. Real international networks are built through years of reciprocal deal-making, shared transactions, and genuine professional relationships. They're not assembled by collecting business cards at airport lounges.
"We focus on mid-market transactions"
Translation: We'll literally take any deal with a pulse because we have no actual standards or specialisation.
It's like a restaurant claiming to specialise in "food." Technically accurate, spectacularly unhelpful. The Deal Leaders approach: We only take businesses to market that we are confident we can sell.
The Success Metrics Shell Game
"We typically achieve 20-40% premiums over market value"
Translation: We tell every client their business was undervalued after the fact, regardless of what we actually achieved.
But here's the thing: genuine premiums come from creating real competitive tension, not from creative post-transaction storytelling. (It's the difference between actually being funny and just saying "That was hilarious!" after your own jokes.)
"We're currently working on R2 billion in transactions"
Translation: We sent information packs for deals worth a combined R2 billion, and approximately zero buyers have responded with serious interest.
This is like claiming you're "dating" someone because you sent them a friend request on Facebook. Technically, you initiated contact, but that's about where the relationship ends.
Now, About Those Things We Actually Say...
Here's where it gets deliciously awkward – some of these phrases are actually legitimate when you can back them up. It's like the difference between saying you're a "thought leader" (cringe) versus actually having thoughts worth leading with (rare, but spectacular when genuine).
Take our international network. We absolutely have one – through Pandea, with 37 member firms across six continents. But here's the difference: we've closed actual deals together, shared real transactions, and built relationships through results, not just exchanged LinkedIn connections at conferences.
Or consider our "proprietary research methodology." We genuinely have one – those three critical questions that consistently uncover hidden value. The difference? We can show you exactly how it works and point to specific deals where it delivered transformational outcomes.
The Proof Is In The Pudding (And The Bank Statements)
Sophisticated advisors don't just claim results – they demonstrate them:
Over 70% closing rate – because we're ludicrously selective about which businesses we represent
Maximum 20 clients are taken to market annually, because quality outcomes require focused attention (revolutionary concept, apparently)
Average 35% premium over initial expectations – because we create genuine competitive processes, not just multiple conversations
One-third international buyers – because we actually execute global strategies rather than just talking about them
But here's the thing: anyone can claim these numbers. The difference is whether you can name names, show specific deals, and provide references who'll tell you the same story.
Your BS Detector Calibration Guide
Before engaging any M&A advisor, ask these calibration questions:
"What percentage of your listings actually close?" (Anything under 60% suggests they're running a lottery, not a business)
"Can you walk me through your last three closed deals?" (Specifics reveal competence faster than generalities)
"How many clients do you represent simultaneously?" (More than 30 suggests a volume game disguised as service)
"What's your average premium over initial client expectations?" (If they can't answer specifically, they're not measuring what matters)
The Uncomfortable Truth About Marketing vs. Reality
The most dangerous advisors aren't the obviously incompetent ones – they're the ones with spectacular marketing departments and mediocre results. They're like influencers: all aesthetic, no substance.
Your Next Move (Spoiler: It's Not Falling for Marketing Fluff)
If you're considering selling your business, remember this: the advisor with the slickest brochure often delivers the most disappointing outcomes. It's like dating someone based purely on their Tinder profile – you might get lucky, but the odds are spectacularly against you.
Look for track records, not taglines. Demand specifics, not generalities. And refuse to engage with anyone whose marketing sounds like it was written by ChatGPT having an overly optimistic day.
Worth Remembering
The most expensive M&A advisor isn't the one charging the highest fee – it's the one who gets you the wrong outcome while charging any fee at all.
Don't let marketing fluff cost you millions. Choose advisors based on results, not rhetoric. And remember: if their claims sound too good to be true, they probably are (unless they can prove them, in which case they might be that good).
Ready for a conversation about selling your business without the marketing theatre? Book a discussion where we'll give you honest answers backed by actual results – not just impressive PowerPoint slides.
Until next time,
Rick Grantham
Deal Leaders International
P.S. If you've encountered particularly ridiculous M&A marketing claims, send them my way. I'm building what might become the world's first Museum of Business Sale BS – admission will be free, but the entertainment value will be priceless.